So the conversation between my LMF and myself ensued.

It lasted days. 

In the midst of the on going negotiation of what we were comfortable with and what we were not, a date for the three of us - my LMF, Leo and myself. A dessert date, snuggle up on the couch and watch a some tv...

LMF and I had dinner before to try to finish the conversation but it seemed like at that point we were talking different languages and not able to see the common ground. Our relationship was on the verge of opening back up but the last pieces to make us both feel comfortable were still missing. 

Dinner was cleaned up, the mancubs were ushered to bed and we waited Leo to make his way to my house. 

I was nervous. This would be the first time that LMF and Leo would occupy the same space in a months time. And what a month it had been. Leo had gone from a new acquaintance to the object of my desire in that month. Everyone knew the desires of one another. Everyone knew that the relationship between LMF and I was going through a transition period. Everyone was walking on proverbial eggshells because of it. 

LMF was in the kitchen when Leo knocked on the door. My heart skipped as I was about to welcome a man I had deep desires for into my home. He stood on the front porch, wearing a thin cashmere sweater, soft to the touch, heavenly to draw close to my body when we hugged one another. Again I found myself pressing my entire body to his. Feeling his lean frame against me, his hips jutting into my side. His arms wrapped around me, wanting to melt into him...

and then to be drawn back to reality in the same moment. 

Pulling away from him.

LMF and Leo made their greetings to one another. We all agreed a drink was in order as Leo had brought over spirits. I smiled at their exchange. Easy with one another although I could sense that Leo was a bit nervous. Like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, I knew he was unsure of his place within the dynamic. And as if he sensed it too, LMF was a bit more assertive than normal.

And I felt like a friggin' ping pong ball. Wanting to be with them both. Wanting to hug and caress one and then walk over and lay a lingering kiss on the other. Not tonight. Not yet.

We settled onto the couch. LMF on the left, Leo on the right. 

And to try to avoid the feeling of being torn I sat on the floor. Not unusual for me since I am just as happy on the floor with a couple of throw pillows as I am on a chair or couch. But I was trying to evade their combined and competing energy. So like a stubborn child, I sat on the floor. Insisting that I was fine when they both tried to cajole me up off the floor and to sit on the couch. To sit between them. I insisted that I was FINE!  I was comfortable. Though I wasn't. The floor was cold. I was sitting on the bare wood so I kept sliding as I was wearing comfortable yet very slippery lounging pants. My ass was soon asleep from siting in the awkward position I had been.

Soon I acquiesced to their invitations to join them on the couch and tried to find that happy medium between these two me I desired. I wound up with leaning against my LMF and tucking my feet into Leo's lap. Hypersensitive to the smallest touch or caress by one another.  

The CD failed. Leo went up stairs to the bathroom and I went to retrieve my laptop so we could stream the last episode from my laptop. In the hallway we met. The air vibrated with anticipation. the space between us quickly closed. Another embrace. I grabbed his belt loops pulling him even closer to me. So close. Face to face. Staring into one another's eyes, sharing the same air, the same breath... Attraction heightened. To the point of frenetic lust.

I pushed him away with a whimper... knowing that I was already pushing the limits. That I needed to reign myself in. I collected myself and my laptop and went back downstairs to be sandwiched between their energy again. 

This time, because LMF had already seen the whole episode, I leaned against Leo with my feet in LMF's lap. We watched the conclusion of the show. LMF had fallen asleep. I dared not move. Not wanting to disturb him nor wanting to leave Leo's embrace.

I knew that this was going to be okay, that somehow, someway I was going to have both of these men in my life... 

and in my bed.