Crack balls

Just in case you don't follow me on Twitter. This game is my new favorite guilty internet pleasure. 

Online Physics Games

Rarely are things black and white

Until now...

I just pulled the older cubs off one another bouncer style. A hand full of bruntte in one hand, blonde in the other.

And got down to the middle of things.

They were folding laundry like I asked them to.

Oldest cub shoved something in the younger cub's face and vice versa.

Play fighting ensued until punches were being traded.

Who's wrong, who's right?

Black and white....

panties.

My panties.

I laughed long and hard at them. Wish I could have said what I was thinking at the moment... I doubt they would come to a fist fight the next time a pair of lacy black panties or Playboy thong was put in their faces.

Remind me to always keep my knickers out of the wash they might help fold!

Life is getting back to normal.

Aftermath

Surgery went well.

Getting the right painkillers afterward was a challenge.

I am coming out of the pain/drug induced haze.

Still haven't taken a proper poop since Tuesday.... this is reality folks! TMI for you?? Move the fuck along!

Pathology report still hasn't come back. I am going crazy.

My LovelyManFriend is truly that.

He read me Alice in Wonderland in the pre op area. 

When a huge SNAFU hit, just as I was getting in the wheelchair to go back to surgery, he looked at me and told me calmly, "I'll take care of it, don't worry"... and he did. 

He held my hand and soothed me when I came out of surgery. 

Took me home and settled me into his bed while he got food. 

Laughed along with me when I realized that having surgery on my right breast effects everything on my right side and makes eating right handed difficult. 

Drove me home and snuggled me into bed again, kissed and loved on me and made sure I had everything I needed before saying good night and left to go home...........

and then he came right back into my bedroom less than a minute later and spent the night comforting me with just his warm furry presence in my bed.

It was sweet.

Just angry

There is no sexy here people, so all you pervs... move along!

I am just angry. 

Angry that I let this lump sit inside of me for so long. 

Angry that I didn't advocate for myself more. 

Angry that I was treated so casually since there weren't "risk factors". 

Angry that the first place I went to never checked to see if the mass, the mass they could feel but couldn't visualize on u/s, had it's own blood flow. 

Angry that they didn't ever check my lymph nodes for irregularities. 

Angry that I didn't push for a ductogram when I first noticed BLOOD coming from my nipple. 

Angry that the private insurance I had didn't cover a breast surgeon within 500 miles of my home. 

Angry that I had to bounce around the social service quagmire for over 6 weeks before being issued Medicaid of all things!!

Angry that again I was treated at my new breast surgeon causally until they put that u/s wand on me.

Angry that I will have 20-30% of my right breast tissue removed, equalling about a cup size difference.

Angry that I will be a 34A and 34B and terribly lopsided. 

Angry that the surgeon chuckled at me when I said to him and the PA that the least they could do was lift both breasts and leave me somewhat symmetrical.

Angry that no one believes me within the medical field that I HAVE thought this through and am totally serious about it.

Angry that I was the one to catch the fact they have done no pre-op counseling or testing. 

Angry that I was told, "You are young and good looking... you don't want those kind of scars!" when I told the nurse that I wanted my breasts taken off.

Yes, I do want those scars if it will leave me with some sense of peace. 

Angry that I am scared every time I do a self breast exam.

A little amused that I will have to see their pre-op counselor so they can gauge how crazy I am for wanting a bi lateral mastectomy prophylactically or how absolutely dead serious I am. 

But more than anything I am scared.

2 weeks from tomorrow folks.