So the conversation between my LMF and myself ensued.

It lasted days. 

In the midst of the on going negotiation of what we were comfortable with and what we were not, a date for the three of us - my LMF, Leo and myself. A dessert date, snuggle up on the couch and watch a some tv...

LMF and I had dinner before to try to finish the conversation but it seemed like at that point we were talking different languages and not able to see the common ground. Our relationship was on the verge of opening back up but the last pieces to make us both feel comfortable were still missing. 

Dinner was cleaned up, the mancubs were ushered to bed and we waited Leo to make his way to my house. 

I was nervous. This would be the first time that LMF and Leo would occupy the same space in a months time. And what a month it had been. Leo had gone from a new acquaintance to the object of my desire in that month. Everyone knew the desires of one another. Everyone knew that the relationship between LMF and I was going through a transition period. Everyone was walking on proverbial eggshells because of it. 

LMF was in the kitchen when Leo knocked on the door. My heart skipped as I was about to welcome a man I had deep desires for into my home. He stood on the front porch, wearing a thin cashmere sweater, soft to the touch, heavenly to draw close to my body when we hugged one another. Again I found myself pressing my entire body to his. Feeling his lean frame against me, his hips jutting into my side. His arms wrapped around me, wanting to melt into him...

and then to be drawn back to reality in the same moment. 

Pulling away from him.

LMF and Leo made their greetings to one another. We all agreed a drink was in order as Leo had brought over spirits. I smiled at their exchange. Easy with one another although I could sense that Leo was a bit nervous. Like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, I knew he was unsure of his place within the dynamic. And as if he sensed it too, LMF was a bit more assertive than normal.

And I felt like a friggin' ping pong ball. Wanting to be with them both. Wanting to hug and caress one and then walk over and lay a lingering kiss on the other. Not tonight. Not yet.

We settled onto the couch. LMF on the left, Leo on the right. 

And to try to avoid the feeling of being torn I sat on the floor. Not unusual for me since I am just as happy on the floor with a couple of throw pillows as I am on a chair or couch. But I was trying to evade their combined and competing energy. So like a stubborn child, I sat on the floor. Insisting that I was fine when they both tried to cajole me up off the floor and to sit on the couch. To sit between them. I insisted that I was FINE!  I was comfortable. Though I wasn't. The floor was cold. I was sitting on the bare wood so I kept sliding as I was wearing comfortable yet very slippery lounging pants. My ass was soon asleep from siting in the awkward position I had been.

Soon I acquiesced to their invitations to join them on the couch and tried to find that happy medium between these two me I desired. I wound up with leaning against my LMF and tucking my feet into Leo's lap. Hypersensitive to the smallest touch or caress by one another.  

The CD failed. Leo went up stairs to the bathroom and I went to retrieve my laptop so we could stream the last episode from my laptop. In the hallway we met. The air vibrated with anticipation. the space between us quickly closed. Another embrace. I grabbed his belt loops pulling him even closer to me. So close. Face to face. Staring into one another's eyes, sharing the same air, the same breath... Attraction heightened. To the point of frenetic lust.

I pushed him away with a whimper... knowing that I was already pushing the limits. That I needed to reign myself in. I collected myself and my laptop and went back downstairs to be sandwiched between their energy again. 

This time, because LMF had already seen the whole episode, I leaned against Leo with my feet in LMF's lap. We watched the conclusion of the show. LMF had fallen asleep. I dared not move. Not wanting to disturb him nor wanting to leave Leo's embrace.

I knew that this was going to be okay, that somehow, someway I was going to have both of these men in my life... 

and in my bed.

While you were away...

Someone from the back seat of my van made a sexual innuendo towards me. Quickly an apology of sorts was issued to my boyfriend and I laughed it off letting everyone know that I was in an open relationship. More laughter ensued and the night continued.

That was the first night that I met Leo.

Time went on and for our own reasons, LMF and I closed our relationship to shore up our foundation. To make sure that we were both on the same page.

So Leo and I begin to talk to one another. I was happy to have a new friend. We had many similarities and yet the differences were complimentary of one another.

He came to visit me over the Thanksgiving break while my LMF was away. And what happened with Leo was something I had never imagined.

The attraction was palpable.

HOLY SHIT

I was attracted to another man. For the first time in the history of my open relationship (save my Imported Goods), I was drawn to another man. The entire year that our relationship was open I had pursued other women. I felt as though my LMF had satisfied my need for the maleness in my life, I had wanted to add the feminine.
He was sitting in my home, at the bar in my kitchen... and I was thankful for the counter top between us. The conversation sometimes light and playful. Sometimes heavy with sexual tension. Sometimes deep with serious content... but the attraction always present.

Our hello and goodbye hugs were growing longer. No longer a perfunctory act, they had heightened to a full body contact embrace where I became acutely aware of his breath. The form of his body. The feel of his hand pressed against my back.

Chastising myself in the same moment.

I was no longer in an open relationship.

Something had to change...

Flying under the radar

We sat in a circle.

6 people. 

4 men. 

2 women. 

3 bisexuals amongst the ranks. 

Watching the bottle slow and point to the intended person. 

Hooting and hollering when it came time for my boyfriend and the buy I had made eyes at all night long exchanged a kiss. Each trying to top one another. 

Hoping to kiss the sweet blonde lady. Feeling so disappointed when she delivered nothing more than a chaste peck.

Leaning back on Leo, sighing as the rest of the people spun over and over as we were passed over. Both of us laughing and finding comfort in one another only hours after we met. 

Leo flew under my radar that night and for nearly a month after. I thought I had found just a new friend. Which I did... though he became so much more in the coming months. 

For the Record

Some have asked me if things are okay, my feelings, how my primary relationship are after reading my last blog.

 

I did leave things rather ambiguous.

 

For a reason... it was supposed to be a lead up into the next few days, weeks of blogging.

 

This account is not in real time.

 

It has already taken place and continues to evolve but we are no longer at that frenetic place that it was when it was all falling into place.

 

So to clarify-

 

• I am in a wonderfully steady (primary) relationship with my boyfriend.

• I am also in a wonderful (secondary) relationship with another man.

 

Everyone knows about one another and everyone is friends.

Allowing the emotion to spill forth

The taste of my tears on his lips...

Proving that we are human.

Reminding him that it is painful for me to cry in front of people. That my throat closes up, my heart pounds and my face feels as though it will explode.

"Don't you remember? I told you that it is physically painful for me to cry infront of someone."

He moves towards me with fluid grace, with a hushed tone, barely over a whisper he says, "No, I don't remember that."

With that, I am engulfed in his embrace. The tears spring forth, spilling over my cheeks. Trying to breathe. To fight them back... not winning but no longer struggling against the deluge.

I anchor myself, grabbing his jacket... not leltting go.

His breath in my ear, on my face. I turn to him to just look at him and in his eyes the reflection of my own bears down on me.

The yearning.

The desire.

The need.

So much more than carnal.

Evolution

I don't think my relationship is an open relationship any longer.

I have met someone new.

I have developed a connection more than I ever expected with this new person.

I have been able to, in the past, have physical relationships with others that were nothing more than physical.

I don't quite understand why I am not able to maintain the separation of sex and emotion.

I love my boyfriend.

Yet this new person has grown to be more than just someone I fuck...

Could it be that I am, that my relationship, evolving into something that is more polyamorous than just an "open relationship"?

Monday

You are like the burning image on the lids of my eyes.

As soon as I close them, you are there.

I forget that I was staring at the sun till something reminds me and I close my eyes

There you are.

And *THAT* ASS!!

I know I haven't posted in a long, long, long time everyone. But life... it gets in the way.

My girlfriend is here. We haven't seen one another in 2 years. FAR too long. So much has changed for the better in BOTH of our lives. She just giggled and said, "You ain't kidding!!" as she is reading over my shoulder as I type this.

Both of us have realized and explored our bisexuality. YAY!! We had arts and craft time last night. The naughty kind and made a flogger from bondage rope that had been sacrificed long ago to tie me up spread eagle one night with the LMF.

Tonight, we've drank wine, painted our toenails, notions of dark chocolate dance in our heads and whippings for those who truly deserve it.

Love and licks of the whip.

Isn't her ass spectacular?? Lokey... your opinion??

BOOBIES!!

I don't know how this worked out but after getting a hunk of my breast removed (suspicious mass removed in Feb that turned out to be benign... yay!) I have gone up a cup size? How does that work??

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Or maybe it's the 15 lbs I have gained in the past year? lol

Either way it's kind of fun to say I am a 34C... especially for a girl who never filled more than a B cup unless I was pregnant, nursings or pregnant AND nursing!

What say you??

Today I heard an interesting story on NPR on the impact of the "hook up"

Read (or listen to it) and tell me what you think.

I have my own views and will share them later... but would like to know what others think.

And their poll-

Casual hookups – which include anything from kissing to fooling around, oral sex and sexual intercourse – are becoming more common among 20-somethings. Which of the following best describes how you feel about hookups:

• Liberating
• Empowering
• Fun
• No big deal
• Pointless
• Degrading
• Dangerous

Created on Jun 5, 2009

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

Devour this...

"like an animal in a cage facing fresh food beyond the barrier my thoughts of all this music & your own...

the neck has always been an alluring place 4 me. A place of kisses, bites, of calming or seducing caress & command or control

a timeless location where the nerves under the skin of a lover might be played like music in melodies of purrs, gasps &moans.

calming touches can be delivered or stern direction delivered.

When the moment is delivered w/o thought, naturally, it seems to be the most effective.

the neck is such a surreal place where touch of lips burying themselves in taste &sensation tremble w/ the echoes of desperate
breath. 

The catches of both lovers gasps, trembling, breathing, his is arms wrap themselves around her to cradle her chest.

all from his place behind her neck this is an awesome place.

While she is crushed against a wall, pinned against as well as within, taken like treasure, like a prize to be devoured.

below the chin can be such a delicate nuzzle and wonderful place to kiss, nibble & nip.

the skin of a woman can be so soft there as it travels around to her spine and below her ears.

it is a very mortal place as well as surreal. the fire, sparks & magic i have spun there just thrill me to a large extent.

needless to say I am a fan of necks as much as a ripe pair of jeans surrounding the curves of a woman."

-languid

And for that dear languid, my ass sans jeans. Plus rigging. Thanks for the music. It's still streaming.

Chapter 50C.

Civil No‑Contact Orders.

§ 50C‑1.  Definitions.

The following definitions apply in this Chapter:

(1)       Abuse. – To physically or mentally harm, harass, intimidate, or interfere with the personal liberty of another.

(2)       Civil no‑contact order. – An order granted under this Chapter, which includes a remedy authorized by G.S. 50C‑5.

(3)       Nonconsensual. – A lack of freely given consent.

(4)       Sexual conduct. – Any intentional or knowing touching, fondling, or sexual penetration by a person, either directly or through clothing, of the sexual organs, anus, or breast of another, whether an adult or a minor, for the purpose of sexual gratification or arousal. For purposes of this subdivision, the term shall include the transfer or transmission of semen.

(5)       Repealed by Session Laws 2004‑199, s. 50, effective August 17, 2004.

(6)       Stalking. – On more than one occasion, following or otherwise harassing, as defined in G.S. 14‑277.3(c), another person without legal purpose with the intent to do any of the following:

a.         Place the person in reasonable fear either for the person's safety or the safety of the person's immediate family or close personal associates.

b.         Cause that person to suffer substantial emotional distress by placing that person in fear of death, bodily injury, or continued harassment and that in fact causes that person substantial emotional distress.

(7)       Unlawful conduct. – The commission of one or more of the following acts by a person 16 years of age or older upon a person, but does not include acts of self‑defense or defense of others:

a.         Nonconsensual sexual conduct, including single incidences of nonconsensual sexual conduct.

b.         Stalking.

(8)       Victim. – A person against whom an act of unlawful conduct has been committed by another person not involved in a personal relationship with the person as defined in G.S. 50B‑1(b). (2004‑194, s. 1; 2004‑199, s. 50; 2007‑199, s. 1.)

 

§ 50C‑2.  Commencement of action; filing fees not permitted; assistance.

(a)       An action is commenced under this Chapter by filing a verified complaint for a civil no‑contact order in district court or by filing a motion in any existing civil action, by any of the following:

(1)       A person who is a victim of unlawful conduct that occurs in this State.

(2)       A competent adult who resides in this State on behalf of a minor child or an incompetent adult who is a victim of unlawful conduct that occurs in this State.

(b)       No court costs shall be assessed for the filing or service of the complaint, or the service of any orders.

(c)       An action commenced under this Chapter may be filed in any county permitted under G.S. 1‑82 or where the unlawful conduct took place.

(d)       If the victim states that disclosure of the victim's address would place the victim or any member of the victim's family or household at risk for further unlawful conduct, the victim's address may be omitted from all documents filed with the court. If the victim has not disclosed an address under this subsection, the victim shall designate an alternative address to receive notice of any motions or pleadings from the opposing party. (2004‑194, s. 1.)

 

§ 50C‑3.  Process for action for no‑contact order.

(a)       Any action for a civil no‑contact order requires that a separate summons be issued and served. The summons issued pursuant to this Chapter shall require the respondent to answer within 10 days of the date of service. Attachments to the summons shall include the complaint for the civil no‑contact order, and any temporary civil no‑contact order that has been issued and the notice of hearing on the temporary civil no‑contact order.

(b)       Service of the summons and attachments shall be by the sheriff by personal delivery in accordance with Rule 4 of the Rules of Civil Procedure, and if the respondent cannot with due diligence be served by the sheriff by personal delivery, the respondent may be served by publication by the complainant in accordance with Rule 4(j1) of the Rules of Civil Procedure.

(c)       The court may enter a civil no‑contact order by default for the remedy sought in the complaint if the respondent has been served in accordance with this section and fails to answer as directed, or fails to appear on any subsequent appearance or hearing date agreed to by the parties or set by the court. (2004‑194, s. 1.)

 

§ 50C‑4.  Hearsay exception.

In proceedings for an order or prosecutions for violation of an order under this Chapter, the prior sexual activity or the reputation of the victim is inadmissible except when it would be admissible in a criminal prosecution under G.S. 8C, Rule 412. (2004‑194, s. 1.)

 

§ 50C‑5.  Civil no‑contact order; remedy.

(a)       Upon a finding that the victim has suffered unlawful conduct committed by the respondent, the court may issue temporary or permanent civil no‑contact orders as authorized in this Chapter. In determining whether or not to issue a civil no‑contact order, the court shall not require physical injury to the victim.

(b)       The court may grant one or more of the following forms of relief in its orders under this Chapter:

(1)       Order the respondent not to visit, assault, molest, or otherwise interfere with the victim.

(2)       Order the respondent to cease stalking the victim, including at the victim's workplace.

(3)       Order the respondent to cease harassment of the victim.

(4)       Order the respondent not to abuse or injure the victim.

(5)       Order the respondent not to contact the victim by telephone, written communication, or electronic means.

(6)       Order the respondent to refrain from entering or remaining present at the victim's residence, school, place of employment, or other specified places at times when the victim is present.

(7)       Order other relief deemed necessary and appropriate by the court.

(c)       A civil no‑contact order shall include the following notice, printed in conspicuous type: "A knowing violation of a civil no‑contact order shall be punishable as contempt of court which may result in a fine or imprisonment." (2004‑194, s. 1.)

 

§ 50C‑6.  Temporary civil no‑contact order; court holidays and evenings.

(a)       A temporary civil no‑contact order may be granted ex parte, without evidence of service of process or notice, only if both of the following are shown:

(1)       It clearly appears from specific facts shown by a verified complaint or affidavit that immediate injury, loss, or damage will result to the victim before the respondent can be heard in opposition.

(2)       Either one of the following:

a.         The complainant certifies to the court in writing the efforts, if any, that have been made to give the notice and the reasons supporting the claim that notice should not be required.

b.         The complainant certified to the court that there is good cause to grant the remedy because the harm that the remedy is intended to prevent would likely occur if the respondent were given any prior notice of the complainant's efforts to obtain judicial relief.

(b)       Every temporary civil no‑contact order granted without notice shall:

(1)       Be endorsed with the date and hour of issuance.

(2)       Be filed immediately in the clerk's office and entered of record.

(3)       Define the injury, state why it is irreparable and why the order was granted without notice.

(4)       Expire by its terms within such time after entry, not to exceed 10 days.

(5)       Give notice of the date of hearing on the temporary order as provided in G.S. 50C‑8(a).

(c)       If the respondent appears in court for a hearing on a temporary order, the respondent may elect to file a general appearance and testify. Any resulting order may be a temporary order, governed by this section. Notwithstanding the requirements of this section, if all requirements of G.S. 50C‑7 have been met, the court may issue a permanent order.

(d)       When the court is not in session, the complainant may file for a temporary order before any judge or magistrate designated to grant relief under this Chapter. If the judge or magistrate finds that there is an immediate and present danger of harm to the victim and that the requirements of subsection (a) of this section have been met, the judge or magistrate may issue a temporary civil no‑contact order. The chief district court judge may designate for each county at least one judge or magistrate to be reasonably available to issue temporary civil no‑contact orders when the court is not in session. (2004‑194, s. 1.)

 

§ 50C‑7.  Permanent civil no‑contact order.

Upon a finding that the victim has suffered unlawful conduct committed by the respondent, a permanent civil no‑contact order may issue if the court additionally finds that process was properly served on the respondent, the respondent has answered the complaint and notice of hearing was given, or the respondent is in default. No permanent civil no‑contact order shall be issued without notice to the respondent. (2004‑194, s. 1.)

 

§ 50C‑8.  Duration; extension of orders.

(a)       A temporary civil no‑contact order shall be effective for not more than 10 days as the court fixes, unless within the time so fixed the temporary civil no‑contact order, for good cause shown, is extended for a like period or a longer period if the respondent consents. The reasons for the extension shall be stated in the temporary order. In case a temporary civil no‑contact order is granted without notice and a motion for a permanent civil no‑contact order is made, it shall be set down for hearing at the earliest possible time and takes precedence over all matters except older matters of the same character. When the motion for a permanent civil no‑contact order comes on for hearing, the complainant may proceed with a motion for a permanent civil no‑contact order, and, if the complainant fails to do so, the judge shall dissolve the temporary civil no‑contact order. On two days' notice to the complainant or on such shorter notice to that party as the judge may prescribe, the respondent may appear and move its dissolution or modification. In that event the judge shall proceed to hear and determine such motion as expeditiously as the ends of justice require.

(b)       A permanent civil no‑contact order shall be effective for a fixed period of time not to exceed one year.

(c)       Any order may be extended one or more times, as required, provided that the requirements of G.S. 50C‑6 or G.S. 50C‑7, as appropriate, are satisfied. The court may renew an order, including an order that previously has been renewed, upon a motion by the complainant filed before the expiration of the current order. The court may renew the order for good cause. The commission of an act of unlawful conduct by the respondent after entry of the current order is not required for an order to be renewed. If the motion for extension is uncontested and the complainant seeks no modification of the order, the order may be extended if the complainant's motion or affidavit states that there has been no material change in relevant circumstances since entry of the order and states the reason for the requested extension. Extensions may be granted only in open court and not under the provisions of G.S. 50C‑6(d).

(d)       Any civil no‑contact order expiring on a day the court is not open for business shall expire at the close of the next court business day.(2004‑194, s. 1; 2006‑264, s. 41.)

 

§ 50C‑9.  Notice of orders.

(a)       The clerk of court shall deliver on the same day that a civil no‑contact order is issued, a certified copy of that order to the sheriff.

(b)       Unless the respondent was present in court when the order was issued, the sheriff shall serve the order on the respondent and file proof of service in the manner provided for service of process in civil proceedings. If the summons has not yet been served upon the respondent, it shall be served with the order.

(c)       A copy of the order shall be issued promptly to and retained by the police department of the municipality of the victim's residence. If the victim's residence is not located in a municipality or in a municipality with no police department, copies shall be issued promptly to and retained by the sheriff and the county police department, if any, of the county in which the victim's residence is located.

(d)       Any order extending, modifying, or revoking any civil no‑contact order shall be promptly delivered to the sheriff by the clerk and served by the sheriff in accordance with the provisions of this section. (2004‑194, s. 1.)

 

§ 50C‑10.  Violation.

A knowing violation of an order entered pursuant to this Chapter is punishable as contempt of court. (2004‑194, s. 1.)

 

§ 50C‑11.  Remedies not exclusive.

The remedies provided by this Chapter are not exclusive but are additional to other remedies provided under law. (2004‑194, s. 1.)

My fancy

Walking around downtown, his hands are around my shoulders, around my waist. Pulling me closer. I pull away from him and flash him a look.

Warning him.

It's not time.... yet.

He's relentless. He wants me. I want him. But I won't give him the satisfaction of telling him I would gladly pull my skirt up to give him access to my ass sans panties.

We get drinks at a dimly lit bar. I am sitting on a bar stool. He's standing beside me. Standing too close. Leaning into me. I can feel the heat radiating off of him. I wonder how any one person can put off this heat. This energy? I allow my touch to linger on his forearm trying to absorb some of it. Electricity sizzles in the air. His clear blue eyes try to pierce into my psyche. I turn away from him.

No one gets inside my head that quickly.

We are back out into the night. The atmosphere is heavy. Rain is in the air.

He ducks into an apartment building lobby as the sky opens and a torrential down pour begins. I stand there letting the water wash over. The fat drops hitting my body. In an instant I am soaked. He yells for me to come inside and I ignore him. My thin shirt is now a second skin, hugging the curves of my breast. The rain feels like miniature percussion beats across my skin. Hitting me in exquisite ways. I close my eyes and relish the sensations. When I open my eyes and look around, he is there... standing just outside of my reach under the canopy of the building. A smile of satisfaction is upon his face. I grab his hand and pull him into me. I push my breasts into his chest. He tries to pull me under the canopy but I resist. I drag him into the rain with me. The deluge consuming us both in an instant.

We run back inside to the awaiting elevator and push the button for the top floor. Nervous energy fills the small ascending box. We laugh at the rain slicked fashion statements we are both sporting. I lead the way around the corner into a loft apartment. Candles are lit, providing gentle flickering of light against the dark walls. He pulls me close to his body. Again the heat radiating off of him is intoxicating.

I begin to open his shirt. One tiny button at a time. To reveal a patch of dense light brown hair upon his chest. I feel myself flush, from head to toe. I want to run my hands through it, rub my body against it.... now. I cannot bother to finish unbuttoning the final 4 buttons. I rip the shirt off, pushing it back on his arm. Pushing him against a counter I drop to my knees and unfasten the belt and unzip his slacks. Pulling down his briefs his cock springs out at me. Yearning for my touch.

I stand back and just look at him.

A beautiful bit of Man Meat I have before me. Well muscled upper torso with that triangle ratio from shoulders to waist. The dense patch of hair covering his chest trailing southward to his cock that is at FULL MAST, just waiting for some attention.

He doesn't realize what is going. His head tilted back, eyes closed and hands grasping the counter for balance. As he comes back he understands that I am an arm’s length away. His blue eyes center in on me. I silently strip off my clothes. Pulling my shirt over my head, unfastening my bra and then letting my skirt slide to the floor I maintain his gaze. The only thing I am wearing is my t-strap Mary Jane's and a smile.

He kicks off the pants puddled around his ankles and takes two steps toward me, catching me in his arms.

There is no hesitation in our movements. He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. He cups my ass in his hands and carries me over to the counter. I bite his shoulder as he sinks his cock into my pussy. Ruthlessly, without reservation he fucks me.

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And when I wake up, I diddle myself recalling the dream. Thinking about the teacher at my cubs' school. Wondering what it would take to turn my fancy into reality.

DUH!

Your result for The Sexuality Spectrum Test...

Bi/Slightly Gay

You scored -2 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight)

For the most part, you are bisexual. You have a slight preference for the same sex, but either sex would suit you. If you are sexually inexperienced, it is possible that this will change after you do some experimenting.

Take The Sexuality Spectrum Test at HelloQuizzy

Fading in and out

Changes all around. Keeping me on my toes. Never a dull moment.

So much time is being used to finish school, I have barely time to breathe.

I have so many things that I want to share but never enough time to sit and write. 

I swear I would sign up for an implanted device that I could just beam my thoughts into my PC and they would show up as blog, journal critiques, scathing letters to some and sweet nothings to others.

No one get 100% of me. My cubs, my friends, my loves... everyone has to share. Not even I get all of me.

Fade out...

Smooth

Every once in a while I sumbit.

Totally and completely I present myself for her inspection. 

I lie nude, prone and wait for the heat of the wax to be drizzled upon my body.

And then she rips it off.

And I breathe.

And she does it again and again...

And I breathe and moan slightly and try not to fidget.

Over and over until I am as smooth as a baby's bottom.

Well.... at least my legs are.

And to keep me on my toes, she went a little higher than usual this last time.

She waxed my ass.

Not that my ass needed to be waxed, I barely grow any hair above my knees... but god damn if this doesn't feel good.  I have found myself playing with my ass just to feel the velvety smoothness of my own skin.

She said it was something luxious and exotic feeling. She was right.

I just wish it were a bit warmer so I could wear a slinky dress and enjoy the feeling of the smoothness with every movement.

In my head...

In his basement, he's working on my computer. New graphic card. I'm sitting on the bar stool drinking a beer. 

Both of us quiet. There is nothing more that needs to be said. We've said it all. 

He walks over to me and roughly grabs my face and starts kissing me. I push him away. The time for this has passed. If you didn't want all of me, you can't have any of me is what is screaming in my head. 

I ask him what the fuck he's doing... he answers that we both want it. And he's on me again.

The feel of his lips on mine, the way that he grabs a handful of my hair lifting my head to meet his kiss. I want to resist. I want to tell him no. I want to stop... but really I don't. I want this and more.

I push back at him. He's up against his work station, I drop to my knees. I can feel his cock hard through his jeans. In a second his pants are a puddle around his ankles. Like times before I tease him and make him moan with my mouth. He's getting close. I stop and grab his cock and squeeze him hard. He looks down at me and grins.

It's his turn to push at me. I am back on the bar stool, my skirt is bunched up around my waist and he is returning the favor. He starts by gingerly darting his tongue around my clit. Barely more than a whisper. He slides one finger into my already wet pussy. I gasp in approval as he starts working his second finger inside of me while his tongue grows more bold. I feel the waves of the orgasm start rolling over me long before I peak. It was like I came for 3 solid minutes. 

As the last bits of my orgasm fade, he raises up and starts worshipping my breasts. His fingers still inside of me, he now plays with my clit with his thumb as he hungrily sucks at my tits. Again I a cresting at the peak of another orgasm... as I cry out that I am going to cum, he slams his cock into me. I cum immediately. 

I shake violently as he fucks me...

He picks me up, cupping my ass and moves me over to the computer work station. I slide off the edge of the table and instead of trying to jump back up, I turn around and present my ass to him. He groans in his approval as he plunges again into my pussy while teasing my ass.

My eyes are closed... I am trying to find my bearings. I can barely feel him behind me. I am totally floating. I arch my back to meet him but he's not there anymore.

I open my eyes and I realize I am on my couch.

Snuggled underneath a blanket, watching a movie.

I had nodded off and dreamt of sex... with him.

For Avena and Hawker

Just thought you two would like this.

Much love!

Finding my bearings

So, I'm single again.

What the hell do I do with myself?

There is a part of me that wants to be wild and crazy.

There is a part of me that wants to be a hermit and withdraw from all social activities.

There is a part of me that abhors the idea of dating.

There is a part of me that things that being a unicorn would be a lovely idea.

And there is a larger part of me that wants to stop compartmentalizing my life. 

For my entire relationship with LMF, I kept my kids out of it. 

I am thankful I did because I don't know how I would be dealing with things had the mancubs become attached to him and would now be  questioning why he wasn't around any more ... but with every part of my social life I have not involved my children. They barely know those I call my friends. 

Partly because I am super protective of my cubs and don't let just anyone in their lives, partly because it's just inappropriate to bring a kid out to the bar (!), and partly because I wanted time for me.

There is more to Rapunzel than the oversexed (soon to be undersexed) nymphomaniac though.

First and foremost I am a bad ass mother bear.

From now on I think I need to balance my time with my cubs and friends more equally. Yes, I want to have nights of wild and crazy fun but I think many of my friends would also be open to a tater gun shoot out and pot luck lunch at the homestead. 

And if they aren't... they can go fuck themselves.

Lustful wantings

Where is my sugar daddy when I need one?





How perfect would my phoenix look framed in the back of this vintage inspired dress? I have the perfect T-strap Mary Janes to go with the dress. Just not the $125 to shell out for the dress itself!

:::sigh:::

The last goodbye

He came over last night. I was in the middle of homework and barely looked up from my writtings until I was damn well finished. He layed on the floor trying not draw attention to himself.

Once I was done, we talked briefly. I cried. Tried to make sense of things but how do you make sense of the hurt of betrayal? Coupled with the sadness of knowing even without the betrayal the relationship was over?

I told him to get the fuck out or just to fuck me... but either way he was leaving.

The familiarness of one another's presensce and skin was unbearable. 

Our movements were fluid and the known responsees from just the right touch, the teeth across my neck, fingers seeking the tenderest spots, lips against one another hungrily...

He tried to pull me on top of him and I resisted. I grabbed the lube and coated his cock, working it until he made me stop. The feeling of knowing I could make him cum so quickly because I know exactly how to touch him... powerful.

Again he urged me to climb on top of him, I denied him. And made my demand of him.

He obliged.

Slick with lubricant, I came hard and long as almost his entire hand filled me.

I then fucked him and came 2 more times.

He moaned, "This feels so good" and I gyrated my hips against hist body. I amgrily answered, "It always has", and thrust more forcefully. Envisioning that I had a cock and I was FUCKING HIM.

His orgasm was intense and prolonged. Once he had quieted, I rolled off, threw a towel at him and told him to get out.

I went to the bathroom, cleaned up and when I got back he had his clothes on. 

Again as he put his hand on the door knob, he said good night.

No, my Lovely Man Friend...

That was our last goodbye.

The Whole Truth

Nine Inch Nails Something I can never have
Uploaded by Nate_Perro

Purging

Okay friends. It's that time, when the relationship ends, that one needs to vent and get it all out.

This may make total sense to some, and yet be nothing but ramblings to others. And frankly my dear(s), I don't give a damn which category you fall into. This is a purge. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I asked for truth. First and foremost. Nothing too complicated in my opinion but something he couldn't give me. I gave LMF the truth because the truth is always easier. And what's more I had nothing to hide. If he didn't like me warts and all...

On the other hand, this whole relationship was based on a lie that made everything so convenient for LMF. It made him still a "good guy" and above the rest of the pack.

Recently a mutual friend of ours went through a very bad spot with her guy. And he railed, hemmed and hawed at her how the boyfriend was a total ass. That he had shit in his own bed, where he ate, worked and played. That the boyfriend had proven what kind of person he was. That our friend was foolish to take the boyfriend back.... and yet it was the same thing he had done to me. In a smaller scale. But yet the same thing.

This had been coming for some time. Maybe much longer than what I would care to admit.

Last week I realized I was no longer willing to be in a relationship in which I had to shove down feelings of more because it wouldn't be reciprocated. It took even me by surprise my response to him that night. His hand on the door saying goodnight and me telling him goodbye... and yet almost 7 full days drag on in which we try to keep it together. I, wanting to keep something that was so comfortable and non-threatening. LMF ... well, ask him his true motives because I don't believe a fucking thing he ever told me at this point.

So, I find out the truth. That he hadn't been fully truthful to me since the inception. Less than 3 wks in he started his deception.

The one thing that I asked him at the beginning of the relationship, which was nothing more than a FWB situation was that if he wanted to sleep with other women, that he tell me. I wasn't asking for him to be my boyfriend or give me a level of commitment that was unrealistic. I was just asking for the truth. 

All the while when I thought I had met a decent guy, someone I was becoming great friends with, a guy that gave me no reason to ever doubt his sincerity, a guy that seemingly everyone was friends with... I was sleeping with a sneaky bastard. Someone who started fucking another woman less than 3 wks in, without protection, coming back to me and not using protection consistently. He claims that he didn't sleep with anyone else because as he admitted to me "it wasn't for the lack of trying"... like that makes me feel any better.

And he had multiple times to come clean, a huge opportunity to be a bigger man and remove himself from the equation over the summer and yet he never did.

I guess the allure of the golden goose was too much for LMF to resist.

It's funny because my ex-husband time and time again hurt me with his lies when we were together. I would find them out, he'd admit it and more untruths I never suspected him of committing. It would wound me deeply but at least I knew what I was dealing with. It made it that much easier in the end because I had been battered by his lies and deceit so many times that I became numb... and the end of my marriage came with relative little upheaval. Being hit by your partner sucks but when you are so far removed from the situation, it was only bruises and marks on my flesh.

Now I feel raw, hurt, betrayed...

And the sick part... the person I have been hurt by so much is the person I want to turn to for comfort.

Glutton for punishment... yup, that's me.

Filter - Hey man nice shot
Uploaded by bbotiss

It's over

The end.

But I need someone to hold me in the worst way. 

And the one that had provided me with the most comfort in the past year and a half is the one that ultimately hurt me in the worst way.

Fire and brimstone.

Fucking Raw

Every nerve ending is screaming.

Every bit of my being is hurting.

I want for so much and yet I will push it away when it starts to reveal itself to me.

I don't blame him.

He's always been honest with me.

I don't blame myself either. 

How is one supposed to separate emotions and a relationship when you supposedly are growing closer?

Even the United States of America can separate church and state effectively.

But he can.

I wonder if it is easier having everything so compartmentalized?

I want love.

I want to love.

I want to be loved.

I want to have it not be one sided.

I had told him this... I thought. But never said those exact words to him before.

I did last night.

He loves me but is not in love with me.

I didn't expect him to profess his undying devotion but I never expected him to answer the question of, "Do you feel any more deeply attached to me than you did 6 months ago?" with a straight face, looking me directly in the eyes he answered me no.

I pushed him away and yet every time he withdrew his embrace I almost begged him not to go.

We cried so much with one another that we felt as though we were both going to suffocate. The spent tissues still litter my bedroom floor. Like fallen hopes I dared not hope for.

And as the tears dried we made love. Slow and sweet. Kisses burning my skin. His lips on mine. Smoldering.

As he entered me, my tears began to flow again. And I rode the waves of an impending orgasm almost the entire time. We rolled over in our comfortable pattern with me on top.

 

As my orgasm built, I cried out that I was about to cum and he turned on my bed side lamp and watched my face as I came. My face slick with fresh tears once again. His as well.

For the next 2 hours we slept tightly curled around one another.

We both acknowledged that when we woke up, for a split second we thought, we hoped that last night was a bad dream (but we knew otherwise).

Neither one of us wants to let go but at the same time neither one of us wants to go through this again.

As he was about to leave my legs gave way and I slumped down. He followed me to the floor and we held onto one another while our tears and kisses mingled.

He said, "We'll do this another day."

I asked him what he meant and he replied, "Break up."

Crack balls

Just in case you don't follow me on Twitter. This game is my new favorite guilty internet pleasure. 

Online Physics Games

Rarely are things black and white

Until now...

I just pulled the older cubs off one another bouncer style. A hand full of bruntte in one hand, blonde in the other.

And got down to the middle of things.

They were folding laundry like I asked them to.

Oldest cub shoved something in the younger cub's face and vice versa.

Play fighting ensued until punches were being traded.

Who's wrong, who's right?

Black and white....

panties.

My panties.

I laughed long and hard at them. Wish I could have said what I was thinking at the moment... I doubt they would come to a fist fight the next time a pair of lacy black panties or Playboy thong was put in their faces.

Remind me to always keep my knickers out of the wash they might help fold!

Life is getting back to normal.

Aftermath

Surgery went well.

Getting the right painkillers afterward was a challenge.

I am coming out of the pain/drug induced haze.

Still haven't taken a proper poop since Tuesday.... this is reality folks! TMI for you?? Move the fuck along!

Pathology report still hasn't come back. I am going crazy.

My LovelyManFriend is truly that.

He read me Alice in Wonderland in the pre op area. 

When a huge SNAFU hit, just as I was getting in the wheelchair to go back to surgery, he looked at me and told me calmly, "I'll take care of it, don't worry"... and he did. 

He held my hand and soothed me when I came out of surgery. 

Took me home and settled me into his bed while he got food. 

Laughed along with me when I realized that having surgery on my right breast effects everything on my right side and makes eating right handed difficult. 

Drove me home and snuggled me into bed again, kissed and loved on me and made sure I had everything I needed before saying good night and left to go home...........

and then he came right back into my bedroom less than a minute later and spent the night comforting me with just his warm furry presence in my bed.

It was sweet.

Just angry

There is no sexy here people, so all you pervs... move along!

I am just angry. 

Angry that I let this lump sit inside of me for so long. 

Angry that I didn't advocate for myself more. 

Angry that I was treated so casually since there weren't "risk factors". 

Angry that the first place I went to never checked to see if the mass, the mass they could feel but couldn't visualize on u/s, had it's own blood flow. 

Angry that they didn't ever check my lymph nodes for irregularities. 

Angry that I didn't push for a ductogram when I first noticed BLOOD coming from my nipple. 

Angry that the private insurance I had didn't cover a breast surgeon within 500 miles of my home. 

Angry that I had to bounce around the social service quagmire for over 6 weeks before being issued Medicaid of all things!!

Angry that again I was treated at my new breast surgeon causally until they put that u/s wand on me.

Angry that I will have 20-30% of my right breast tissue removed, equalling about a cup size difference.

Angry that I will be a 34A and 34B and terribly lopsided. 

Angry that the surgeon chuckled at me when I said to him and the PA that the least they could do was lift both breasts and leave me somewhat symmetrical.

Angry that no one believes me within the medical field that I HAVE thought this through and am totally serious about it.

Angry that I was the one to catch the fact they have done no pre-op counseling or testing. 

Angry that I was told, "You are young and good looking... you don't want those kind of scars!" when I told the nurse that I wanted my breasts taken off.

Yes, I do want those scars if it will leave me with some sense of peace. 

Angry that I am scared every time I do a self breast exam.

A little amused that I will have to see their pre-op counselor so they can gauge how crazy I am for wanting a bi lateral mastectomy prophylactically or how absolutely dead serious I am. 

But more than anything I am scared.

2 weeks from tomorrow folks.

Guess what I am doing right about now...

A conversation recorded on Twitter yesterday for the masses to follow.

Coy_Pink Thank you, @CelticFrog. Your HNT inspired us to try out fisting last night. Fun, fun, fun! about 3 hours ago from TweetDeck

chaoslost200 @Coy_Pink WOAH! Can you pass on a link to this fantastic HNT? And how was your fisting fun? about 3 hours ago from web in reply to Coy_Pink

Coy_Pink @chaoslost200 Here's the link to her HNT:http://tinyurl.com/cj8ujw We had a great time! I'll try to write something up. about 3 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to chaoslost200

RapunzelRed @chaoslost200 @Coy_Pink OMG!! I have made my mind up... we have to try this!! about 3 hours ago from web in reply to chaoslost200

Coy_Pink @RapunzelRed Um, YES! It was intense. about 3 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to RapunzelRed

chaoslost200 @coy_pink @rapunzelred Nice HNT and thanks for helping to make up Rapunzelred's mind :) about 2 hours ago from web

RapunzelRed @Coy_Pink It's always been on my "Gotta try" list and it's been moving up slowly but surely. LMF does have big hands though.       :-o about 2 hours ago from web in reply to Coy_Pink

chaoslost200 @RapunzelRed not big, long fingers... I think it's doable :) But who am I, just the fister... most Def not the fistie ;)about 2 hours ago from web in reply to RapunzelRed

capnmarrrrk @RapunzelRed @chaoslost200 @Coy_PinkWait..what? about 2 hours ago from TwitterFox in reply to RapunzelRed

chaoslost200 @capnmarrrrk Fisting my good sir! about 2 hours agofrom web in reply to capnmarrrrk

Coy_Pink @RapunzelRed Just go slow and use lots of lube. Really, if you can push babies outta "there", you can fit a hand in. :-) about 2 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to RapunzelRed

capnmarrrrk @chaoslost200 Wow, Hard Core about 2 hours agofrom TwitterFox in reply to chaoslost200

RapunzelRed @chaoslost200 Well I love your long fingers... shall I make a little extra time in my day tomorrow? :-) 43 minutes ago from web in reply to chaoslost200

chaoslost200 @rapunzelred please do :-) 29 minutes ago from txt

Hitachi question?

Am I the only one to feel as though my clitoris becomes an almost  psuedo-penis, becoming so engorged and swollen, after masturbating with the help of the Magic Wand?

It makes getting dressed afterward ......... well ....... WEIRD. Not sure if I enjoy the sensation of my swollen clit encased in my panties or if i am annoyed with it. And if I am wearing jeans - WHOA!!!

Which reminds me... any one out there tried pussy pumping?

Cum, cum, cum again...

I have survived. 

My children have survived. 

My relationship with LMF is intact. Even managed to squeeze in a couple of rendezvous with him during the hecticness of adjusting to the rigors of full time classes.

;-)

My favorite stolen moment had to have been when he was withholding from cumming. 

At first I was a whining brat about it. Wanting him to cum. Wanting him to orgasm. To release. I love it when he comes. I feel it is my reward for a good job to feel his dick spasm, to hear his sighs and moans, to have him hold on to me tightly as the pleasure rolls over him, through him and engulfs him.

But as I came to grips with his exploration and challenge he had set for himself, I began to enjoy our time together without the focus being the orgasm. There was not frenetic pace set in order to reach that "ultimate" goal. 

The blissful smile on his face as I looked down at him as I rode his cock filled me with such pleasure. His hands explored my body almost gracefully as I continued to rock my hips, meeting his rhythm. Being so much more in tune with one another as I was mindful not to push him over that edge. Wanting him to reach his goal... whatever he chose that goal to be. 

Cumming myself, my pussy throbbing around his dick as he was still inside of me, hard time and time again feeling the intensity of my own orgasm amplified. 

Delicious.

Finding new positions together. Loving the new angles and depths, speeds and variations. My favorite (and proved again last night to be a keeper) was me on my back, he pulls my legs up and rests my heels on his shoulders and instead of beating away at me from a distance, he leans in close and folds me in half, moving slow and savoring the closeness of our bodies together.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

And then finishing myself off with a Hitachi while kissing and holding on to him for dear life.

Fan-fucking-deliciously-tastic!!